Gradually returning to life

So, after being sick and crappy for, oh, 5 months at least, I'm starting to feel better. I almost want to leave the house again! Here's my top 10 list of things I'm looking forward to:

1) A BBQ
2) Getting outrageously angry at something
3) Getting a massage
4) Eating at a restaurant
5) Going to a pub
6) Going to a movie
7) Having enough energy to stay awake for longer than 2 hours at a time
8) Starting yoga
9) Reconnecting with friends
10) Getting laid.

Hermits don't live, they just exist.

Ode de la Life

Twas the day before Friday and all through the class,
There was kicking and screaming of "I'll kick your ass!"

Some children were still settled snug in their desks,
Gallantly trying to finish their tests

With Joey on the left and Chris to the right,
The teacher was ready to break up the fight

While out in the hall there arose such a clatter
the children ran to see what was the matter

Away to recess they flew like a flash
To see the two boys' kicking each others ass

They rolled and they punched through the new fallen snow,
the blood glistning like rubies on the ground just below

When what to their frightened eyes should appear,
But a pissed off teacher, her face in a sneer,

More rapid than eagles, they split as she came
She bellowed and shouted and called them by name

"Off Joey! Off Chris! Get off of each other!"
"We're going inside to make a call to your mother!"

To the office, to the phone, she made the call,
Both mothers replied "He got in a fight. Is that all?"

And both the children, when they heard that reply,
Turned to each other, their smiles quite sly.

The teacher was hanging on by thread
In hopes that the day would soon come to an end.

Back to her class, to the yelling and fooling,
She took a minute to get her heels cooling.

As she drew in a breath, and was turning around,
She swore she could hear the most delightful sound,

"Classes are canceled for the rest of the day!"
All the teachers and students stood up and yelled "Hooray!"

But, alas, this great dream was not to be so,
Her mind had quite snapped (rightfully though)

She trudged to her class and walked out of sight,
"Tonight is is going to be a bottle of wine night!"

Stupid Winter, Stupid People

First off, I didn't believe it was possible, but as soon as the snow fell yesterday, I went into mega-hibernation mode. I made my favourite winter comfort food (spicy chicken in cream of mushroom soup with rice) and went to bed at 9:30. I am an 87 year old woman living in a 27 year old's body.

Secondly, the first snowstorm of the year usually means everyone forgets how to drive. You would think that after living in a city that gets snow 9 months out of the year, most people would be able to switch their winter driving skills back on. But no. Granted it was slippery from the freezing rain, but you would think that people would have learned that trying to take a corner at 60 km/h is not a good idea. But alas, I was still nearly sideswiped TWICE by stupid people who conveniently forgot how to drive over the "summer". I think that there should be a section in driver's tests that that you must pass in order to get your license called "straightening out of a fishtail".

I suck at blogging

Wow. Apparently I have nothing to say...ever...

No, that's a blatant lie. I have lots to say, soooooo....

So last night I'm walking my dog, and I start to get the feeling I'm in some horror movie. I started to hear an air-raid siren (no idea where it was coming from) and I smelled some weird sweetish yet burning-the-throat scent as I walked down the street. I either a) had a stroke, b) am totally ready to be committed, or c) watch too many horror movies. I started having visions of some lethal gas blowing through the city turning everyone into zombies. My dog is old and walks slow, and a part of me knew that idea was totally insane, but I still started taking a mental inventory of everything I had learned by reading a zombie survival guide. Then I realized that it's pretty sad to know that if the world was plagued by zombies, I would be absolutely: a) prepared, and b) okay with that. Does that make me a sociopath?

Moral Fibre

Sometimes I get sick of always taking the high road. My mom always criticizes me for being "such a martyr". I don't blame her. When do I get to take what I want? Sometimes I feel so weak because I can no longer express my desires without feeling like I'm being selfish, which is stupid. It's not like I'm eating steak in front of starving children!

Then there are the people who take whatever they want, whenever they want it, and they don't care who's toes they step on. At least I have a sense of compassion and empathy (admittedly too much sometimes, which causes me to lose out on the things I really want). These people really piss me off. I mean, good on them for knowing what they want, but have some frickin' consideration of others! Prime (though petty) example: I'm waiting in line at Domo for gas, and there's a guy in front of me and two cars behind me. The other side of the pumps also have a line-up. So, poor Domo guy is working his ass off, trying to serve everyone, including the people who walk up to buy cigarettes. This guy is doing a great job. He's quick and polite. The guy in front of me decides to leave his car while the gas is pumping and goes into 7-11. After his gas finished pumping, he still hadn't come back. He finally comes back after 15 minutes, in which no one on my side of the pump can get served, because his car is in the way. While we were waiting for him, two of the cars behind me started honking, and one guy actually got out of his car and started yelling at the Domo worker to "hurry the fuck up"! The Domo guy tried to explain that the person in front had left the vehicle and not come back yet to move his car, and he apologized (like he had anything to be sorry for). This douchebag kept yelling and the Domo guy still remained professional. He suggested that the guy pull his car around to the other side. He offered directions to the next closest gas station. He apologized profusely. Finally, I got out of my car and told the douche to back off, because it's not the worker's fault, he's doing his best, and that he was free to leave if he was in a hurry. He starts calling me an "interfering cunt", at which time I got pissed off and told him to back the fuck off. The nice Domo guy told him he would refuse to serve him, so he might as well leave. The guy got back into his car and took off, almost hitting a person in the parking lot.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that there are some people who deserve to be shot for their lack of consideration and their overabundance of self-serving, egotistical behaviours. Assholes.

27 year old lame-o

Okay, so I think I should probably seriously start thinking of moving out. I love living at home, though, and I'm debating whether my desire to leave home is based on society's opinions about people in their late 20's still living with their parents, or on actually wanting to be on my own. I like living with my mom (most of the time). We hang out, watch TV together, and there's always someone around if I want to talk. Our work schedules are really different too, so I'm able to have as much freedom as I want. I pay rent, do my own laundry, cook for myself (and usually everyone else too), so really, it's much like living alone, but having people around who you know love you and care about you. Is there really anything wrong with that?

I could see myself leaving if I was moving out with a boyfriend (if I had one), but at the same time I like to be on my own and have my own space. I feel like if I lived with anyone else, I'd feel obligated to spend time with them. Not that I'm anti-social, I just like being able to do things on my own without having someone looking over my shoulder all the time and I get that by living at home.

I guess people could make fun of me for living with my mom at my age, but really, it's what's best for me right now, so I guess any nay-sayers can just screw off!

27 years

So my birthday is on Thusday, and although my parents divorced in '88, they must still be feeling guilty about it, because I get a whole week of birthday! Whoo! yesterday, my mommy made roast beef with mashed potatos, corn, and even YORKSHIRE PUDDING!!!!!! Yay mommy! Tomorrow, my daddy's making me ribs and home made fries, and his woman is making homemade blueberry pie. This is going to be the fattest week of the year!

So hooray for divorce! The children actually don't suffer! They benefit!

Thanks to me for milking it since 1988!